28 May 2007


Yesterday I was at my Mum and Dad’s house playing darts with two of my brothers. After about five or six games they started paying me out quite savagely because I hadn’t won a game yet. Mum said it was good that they were paying me out because it meant they weren’t paying her out, which is more usual. Then my wife asked me if we would be finished soon because she wanted to hit the road. I said I would just finish the current game.

Mum thought she would join in my brothers' fun and said "It’s a good thing you didn’t say you would just play until you won a game, or you’d be here all night."

My brothers immediately seized the opportunity to turn on Mum:

"I was almost going to say that but thought it would be too cruel."

"What a horrible thing to say, Mum."

"Have you no concern for people’s feelings?"

"It’s bad enough that he can’t win a game, without someone rubbing it in like that."

...and various other comments. It was hilarious.

12 May 2007

I'm angry

I've spent most of this week trying to stop the mattress from escaping from my bed. Actually, I was in bed because I was suffering from the mother of all migraines. I have had migraines before, and they were horrible, but nothing like this. If you don't experience migraines then I don't expect you to understand. If you do, then you may well be saying "I feel your pain, Brother." but you don't. Unless you have spent four days with your head in an ever-tightening vice, throwing up everything you tried to eat or drink, then been admitted to hospital and put on an intra-veinous drip, wishing the whole time that someone would cut off your leg with a hacksaw to take your mind off the agony, you haven't even felt a pin-prick of my pain, so stop whining.

For me, the worst thing about migraines is that there is no rhyme or reason to them. Some sufferers have identified their own migraine triggers, which they can avoid, but for most of us there is no known cause. It's just random; they attack without warning and with extreme prejudice, and that's what makes me angry.

For most things in my life there is cause and effect. If I have a hangover, I drank too much. If I have sunburn, I stayed in the sun too long. If I fart too much, I can blame the fried bean burritos that I ate the night before. But a migraine is cruel and unusual punishment for no reason at all, and that's not fair. In fact, it's infuriating.

Much better now, thank you for asking.

06 May 2007

Song of the arbitrary time period

I recently bought a double CD set called ‘The Essential Johnny Cash’. I wasn’t a huge Johnny Cash fan but I did like some of his songs and I thought I should listen to more of them. Well I have been surprised by how much I like these CDs and I have been listening to them quite a lot. I guess you could say that I'm now a huge Johnny Cash fan.

Of course all the classics are there; Ring Of Fire, Man In Black, Walk The Line, A Boy Named Sue, etc. My favourite song at the moment, though is One Piece At A Time. If you don't know it, it's about a General Motors factory worker who sets out to steal a Cadillac from the factory, one piece at a time. It takes him over 20 years and when he puts it all together there are, well, complications. Cadillacs changed a lot over the years so, for example, he has two headlights on one side and only one on the other, and when he puts the back end together he finds that there is only one tailfin. The end result is a car that would have looked hilarious.

If you can, go out and find 'One Piece At A Time' by Johnny Cash and listen to it.

"Red Rider, this is the Cotton Mouth in the Psycho-Billy Cadillac, come on."

"This is the Cotton Mouth and negatory on the cost of this machine there, Red Rider. You might say I went right up to the factory and picked it up, it’s cheaper that way."

"What model is it? It’s a ’49 ’50 ’51 ’52 ’53 ’54 ’55 ’56 ’57 ’58 ’59 automobile. It’s a ’60 ’61 ’62 ’63…"