20 August 2008

You said what?

Here is my list of words that sound rude, but aren't.


Have I missed any?

18 August 2008

How did that happen?

If you've taken a glance at the Olympic Games coverage over the last week or so you will, no doubt, be wondering the same thing I am: when did the French suddenly get good at swimming? That just came out of nowhere, didn't it?

What struck me the most was the sheer size of Alain Bernard. Now there's a boy who'll be big when he grows up. I heard one commentator describe him as the biggest human on the planet. I don't know about that, but anyone who can make The Phelpedo look small has got to be massive. It's an unfair advantage when you can jump in the pool, reach out and almost touch the other end. He'll be absolutely unstoppable if he ever learns how to swim.

11 August 2008

Health food? I don't think so.

I opened a new jar of coffee the other day and noticed a splash of big writing across the label that said "Natural Coffee Antioxidants". Naturally, this annoyed me. There may very well be natural coffee antioxidants in my freeze-dried coffee, but do they really have to try to portray everything as a health food? Is anyone really going to drink coffee for the antioxidants? I doubt it.

Even worse was the TV ad that was on a couple of years ago showing popular children's TV presenter Monica Trapaga extolling the healthful virtues of Kelloggs Coco Pops. Its health benefit? Well, according to Monica, "Kelloggs Coco Pops with milk is a source of calcium."

Noooo!!! Really???!

Here's a scoop: Cardboard with milk is a source of calcium, as is a bowl of sand with milk. Or a plate of confetti with milk.

Do they really think we are that stupid?

06 August 2008

What is all this stuff?

I remember growing up. There were seven of us, Mum and Dad plus five kids, sharing a single bathroom. If you looked in the shower recess in that bathroom you would have seen one bottle of shampoo, one bottle of conditioner and a bar of soap. Now I share a house with my wife and our six children and, again, there is only one bathroom. Yesterday I counted the bottles in the shower recess and there were 14. I'm not kidding. 14. I should point out that my two youngest children are not old enough to have showers, and have no need as yet for almond facial scrub or henna-enriched conditioning mousse. So six people (two adults and four children) somehow need 14 bottles of stuff in the shower. Is that normal? Am I the only one who wonders if that is a bit odd?

Incidentally, I said that when I was growing up there was "Mum and Dad plus five kids" but my close friends and family members may be inclined to point out that I am in fact one of six children. Strictly speaking that's correct, but my youngest brother wasn't born until after my older brother had left home, so at any given time when I was growing up there were only seven of us living there, so no more nit-picking.