Teeing off

I'll watch just about any sport on television. I particularly like cricket and rugby league, but I have found that I can pretty much watch any competitive endeavour and get quite passionate about the outcome. The secret to enjoying sport on television is to pick a team. If you're not barracking for someone it's just boring, but if you care about the outcome you can watch snails racing.

The exception, for me, is golf. I've never considered golf to be a sport, partly because you can be overweight and over fifty and still make a good living as a golf pro, but also because it's competitive in a weird, non-competitive kind of way. Compare with tennis. In tennis, the way you play can affect how well your opponent plays. If you play particularly well you can make it difficult for your opponent to score points against you. If your opponent has a weakness, say a poor backhand, you can exploit that by hitting the ball to their backhand side a lot, thus giving yourself an advantage. The same principle applies to most other sports; you can triumph by playing well and negating your opponent. In golf, there is nothing you can do to affect the way your opponent plays.

Of course, it could be argued that if you play particularly well your brilliant performance will put pressure on your opponent and that pressure could cause them to play badly, but that's not the same as thrusting your nine iron in the way of their ball as it's rolling toward the hole. In golf, all you can do is play your best game and hope that Tiger has a severe attack of the yips.

That's not to say that people shouldn't play golf, or that they shouldn't be allowed to make a living doing it. If you're blessed with the skill to hit a little ball a long way with a narrow stick, more power to you. I just don't understand the urge to "compete" in a so-called "sport" where the only weapon you have against your opponent is hope. I also don't understand the urge to watch your favourite player "competing" in a tournament when they're not allowed to, I don't know, body-slam an opponent mid-swing. That's gotta be frustrating.

So that's why I never watch golf on TV.

Now I'm off to the pub for a game of darts.